Bulletpoints of the Woman as a Young Artist

chicken 2



This is where I am:

  • Excited by: David Foster Wallace, Jefferey Eugenides, Gene Wilder, Sloane Crosley, Harold Brodkey, Susan Orlean, Tim and Eric, smart television writing and the art of sitcom, Bea Arthur, all things Cleese (Python, Fawlty Towers), Joan Didion, mentor Blanche Boyd and the host of brilliant professors and teachers I will always sing about, Jonathan Swift, Charlie Chaplin, Mary Tyler Moore, Sam Mendes, pop anthropology, good apologies, workings of the body, performance, Jonathan Ames, Dorothy Parker, Woody Allen, Hunter Thompson, Ephron, Fitzgerald, Nabokov, Hitchcock, hat, shoe, FOOD, HOME, SLKFlSS;dfk
  • I get impossibly mean when I play board games.
  • I used to do an okay Jimmy Stewart when I dreamt of working as an impressionist but well, I discovered the trickiness of a, a, a little girl taking that on the road, and also lassoing the moon is much harder than it would seem.
  • My family raises up storytellers like state fair competition chicken.
  • I once heard about a friend’s brother who joined the army, went off to war somewhere, and was sidelined to a desk job after sustaining a pretty rough injury. As it turns out, he tore his ACL while dancing to a Sheryl Crowe song on a table on his off night. I went nuts for that.
  • “Write to please just one person. If you open a window and make love to the world, your story will get pneumonia.” – Vonnegut
  • I have the incongruous combination of a head like a pan of Jiffypop and a mouth like a cement mixer. Everything fires off faster than I can scrape it out.
  • I wrote a column for McSweeney’s in high school and am college-ing in Connecticut.
  • I got a bloody nose while writing this and then sneezed and now my computer is a crime scene.



Caroline Lazar