Things You Should Be Doing Instead of Reading Kim Kardashian Articles by |

Get an enema — i.e., clean out your shit.

2. Petition the Pulitzer Board for the Johnson, Wallace, Russell debacle.

3. Read a book. About something important.

4. Go watch her video. No words needed.

5. Get your nails done. So you can be just like Kim Kardashian.

6. Study. Something besides nail painting and parties and sex videos. Yes, that means you.

7. Learn the details and features of getting an enema — i.e., “An enema is the procedure of introducing liquids into the rectum and colon via the anus” (Wikipedia). Get the enema. Really. You’ll feel better. You can watch a Kim Kardashian video as you get the enema. It will make the enema feel better.

8. Take your kids or someone’s kids to the park and talk about Kim Kardashian’s humanitarian and environmental efforts. ?

9. Go to the gym and work out so you can have a body like Kim Kardashian. Or go to the plastic surgeon and have your breasts and chest and buttocks lifted so you can have a body like Kim Kardashian. Then you will be famous. And everyone will love you. And you can watch Kim Kardashian videos and love yourself, too.

10. Get your teeth and gums scraped by your dentist. If you have a good dentist, he or she will have a video player and special mirror glasses so you can watch a video of Kim Kardashian. It will make your teeth scraping feel better. And you’ll be able to look in the mirror and smile big like Kim Kardashian.

Rae Cline

Rae Cline is the author of the short story collection The Indefinite State of Imaginary Morals (Patasola Press, NY). Her debut novel is forthcoming from 7.13 Books in spring 2026. Her stories, essays, and poetry have appeared in print and online at The Paris Review, The Missouri Review, McSweeney’s, DIAGRAM, North American Review, Gargoyle and more. Her fiction and creative nonfiction have won prizes, scholarships and fellowships from Johns Hopkins, American University, Aspen Writers Foundation and North American Review. She earned an M.A. in Writing at Hopkins and received her M.F.A. in Fiction and Creative Nonfiction from American University, where she was the recipient of the Starr and Sartwell scholarships. She has lectured on campuses and other venues including Hopkins, American University, the International Writing Program at the University of Iowa, St. Mary’s College of Maryland and others. Rae splits time between NYC and the Gulf of Mexico with her husband Rand and Havanese puppy Sophi. She is the founding editor of Eckleburg and is represented by Jennifer Carlson with Dunow, Carlson & Lerner Literary Agency. Read more at raecline.com.

One Reply to “Things You Should Be Doing Instead of Reading Kim Kardashian Articles”

I like this piece a lot, I think because I just recently read a critic of “Honey Boo Boo,” another reality show about people who are more ridiculous, less attractive, and worse off than you and I, on Thought Catalogue. In that critic the writer explained, among other points, that the appeal of “Honey Boo Boo,” and shows like it, was that it provided it’s viewers a safe outlet for comparison. No matter how bad your life is, at least you are not: fill in the blank (over weight, poor, redneck, uneducated).

With reality shows featuring people like the Kardashians–people who are more beautiful, more famous, and richer than most viewers will ever be–the show provides the viewer an object to both envy and pity. We envy their perfect bodies and possessions, but pity them for their lack of connection with reality and ignorance. This piece really shows the viewers struggle in the best way, with humor. The writer suggests that the reader could do something really unpleasant instead of reading about Kim Kardashian; or work to be like her, but only in the way that we envy her; or watch her sex tape and indulge ourselves; or essentially ignore her and get outside (basically, what we should all do).

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