- Get an enema — i.e., clean out your shit.
2. Petition the Pulitzer Board for the Johnson, Wallace, Russell debacle.
3. Read a book. About something important.
4. Go watch her video. No words needed.
5. Get your nails done. So you can be just like Kim Kardashian.
6. Study. Something besides nail painting and parties and sex videos. Yes, that means you.
7. Learn the details and features of getting an enema — i.e., “An enema is the procedure of introducing liquids into the rectum and colon via the anus” (Wikipedia). Get the enema. Really. You’ll feel better. You can watch a Kim Kardashian video as you get the enema. It will make the enema feel better.
8. Take your kids or someone’s kids to the park and talk about Kim Kardashian’s humanitarian and environmental efforts. ?
9. Go to the gym and work out so you can have a body like Kim Kardashian. Or go to the plastic surgeon and have your breasts and chest and buttocks lifted so you can have a body like Kim Kardashian. Then you will be famous. And everyone will love you. And you can watch Kim Kardashian videos and love yourself, too.
10. Get your teeth and gums scraped by your dentist. If you have a good dentist, he or she will have a video player and special mirror glasses so you can watch a video of Kim Kardashian. It will make your teeth scraping feel better. And you’ll be able to look in the mirror and smile big like Kim Kardashian.